This non-christian is perfect for me. I’m sure I’m in love. Should we start dating? What emotions are you feeling? Is it the infatuation of their physical qualities, personality and/or behaviour? This may cloud your judgment about whether it is right for you to fall in love with. If your first criteria for them is not their relationship with God, do you yourself have God as the first in your life? Are you in love with the world more than you love the King of the world? This situation also applies to so called Christians as well. Someone can call themselves a Christian but is not living at all like a follower of Jesus. Ask them about their Christian walk so far. This also questions how your relationship with the Lord is. If the things that you think are common to you and the Non-Christian are important, there will be a lot of complications later on. And, I’m sure the lead up question/statement will be “we’re just dating, it’s okay we won’t get married”. But see above for the Christian stance in dating and marriage. Extra reading: https://www.thegospelcoalition.org/article/dont-take-it-from-me-reasons-you-should-not-marry-an-unbeliever
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What do I do if I think I’m too close to a girl or boy who’s just a friend? Sure, you may think you’re “just friends” with them, but you don’t know what the other person is feeling about the close friendship bond you share with them. Also, consider what others will perceive when you are always hanging out with him/her. What will your potential future partner will think about when it seems like you’re taken? If you’re really close explain that you’re feel a bit uncomfortable in this situation and decide together if you would like to go further in a dating relationship or to reduce the time spent with them. If you can’t imagine reducing the time spent with them, does this attachment mean that when you do meet your future boy/girlfriend you’ll still be attached to them? If so, then you’re placing your friendship above the priorities of family and God. How do I make my intentions clear as to minimise confusion? Commonly known as Defining The Relationship (DTR), this will prevent the false perception of leading them on, which could be unloving and more hurtful as time passes. When your interaction with them may seem like you’re more than just friends, such as hanging out one on one for prolonged periods, being particularly open about their talking about personal issues and private messaging them 24/7, this may mean it’s due for a chat about each other’s intentions. Will it be hurtful? Probably yes. But it is loving to do that sooner rather than later. It is also important to actually put what you said into action. E.g. if you DTR and decide to remain as friends, set barriers up for yourselves so that you change the way in which you react with each other. Otherwise lines will be blurred and this whole cycle will start all over again. Am I ready to date? Ask yourself, am I ready to be heart broken? Having a close relationship with someone means that you give a piece of your heart to them. Likewise, think about the hurt you could cause the other person to feel when you decide not to pursue the relationship later. Check your own heart whether you are in a close relationship with God first. Will dating this person help me grow closer to Christ or lead me away? Our hearts are deceitful and we should aim to stand firm in the word of God ourselves before doing it as a couple. Another rule of thumb would be: Are you ready to be married? Should I ask him or her to go out with me? Are they a Christian? Are they single? Are they someone you want to get to know if you’re suitable for future marriage? If it’s yes to these initial questions, why not ask to get to know them more? And also are you/they ready/willing to be in a relationship? What if I have past sins which may compromise a relationship? Be open to the other person in the early stages of dating. It is fair to them for them to know about issues you’ve had in the past if it will affect their purpose of a faithful marriage. Disclose to each other current or past baggage you may have and ask for their forgiveness. Examples include past sexual history and pornography addiction. |