How do I get to know what they are really like? Talk about your life, your work, your church. Be aware and observe their behaviour. This brings up the point of hanging out with a group of friends. You can observe how they interact with friends, what they talk about and what their true character is like. You are able to discern what they value in their life and whether they are living with Christ as number one. How do I lead or submit in a dating relationship? Husbands submit to your wives and likewise the wives submit to your husbands. This are the roles designed for marriage to love and serve one another. However in the dating relationship, you are learning what I will look like when you are married. Learn from other Christians but above all follow the example of Christ who was ready to lovingly lay down his life for the church. How do we act in a group setting such as in church? Rather than focus on each other exclusively, think about how you can serve others together and be a blessing to other singles in the group by including them and making them feel loved as well. Be involved in young adult fellowships, serving, socials and other church life activities. Do I have to get married? Men and women are designed for the purpose of reflecting God’s glory in the way they relate to one another. Man is to woman as Christ is to the Church. Man is not intended to be alone. Therefore it is good to get married. However depending on your circumstance, being single may be better for serving God. 8 I say therefore to the unmarried and widows, it is good for them if they abide even as I. 9 But if they cannot contain, let them marry: for it is better to marry than to burn with passion. (1 Corinthians 7:8-9)
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How do we set up boundaries? Often boundaries set up in aim to “flee from sexual immorality” are shaped by the idea of “How far can I go?” or even a scale chart detailing which physical touches are ok or not. However this idea of “how far can I get to the waves before I get wet” can frankly be unbiblical in its nature. Rather perhaps think of practical ways to prevent sexual immorality, whether it be the meeting in public settings, having a time curfew, or meeting in groups. In saying this, having specific physical boundaries can also be a useful way to guard each other: where can my hands touch or is kissing even okay? Why do we have to flee from sexual immorality? (n) Sexual immorality - the sexual stimulation (and/or lustful thought) of any other person verbally, visually, virtually or physically to whom you are not married to Flee from sexual immorality. Why?
22 Flee the evil desires of youth and pursue righteousness, faith, love and peace, along with those who call on the Lord out of a pure heart. (2 Timothy 2:22) 28 But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart. (Matthew 5:28) But it’s so easy to fall into sexual temptation. What do I do? Remember that temptation is not the same as sin. Just as there are people struggling with heterosexual temptation, so long as they don’t give in to that temptation or don’t dwell or act upon it, it isn’t sin Pray that God will help you flee from temptation. Remember that seeking purity now means a Godly marriage in the future. How much physical intimacy should we have? Not being married means you are not their husband or wife yet. The one you are getting all intimate with could end up being someone else’s. Let’s take the example of test driving a new car to see if that’s the one you want to buy. Will you take it for a long road trip, getting it dirty and then return it saying “nah I didn’t like it anyway”. Or do you treat it with care knowing that it may go back to the shop where others will buy it new? Another helpful tip is to remember they are still your brother/sister in Christ so act like they are. Pray for a pure heart. How can I show affection without being too physically intimate? Focusing on enjoying everything else that is part of the relationship is actually more freeing and fun than worrying about missing what is on the other side of the fence. Healthy respect for the other person enables the intellectual, emotional and spiritual bonding of the relationship to develop deeply, which lets physical affection have greater meaning when it is appropriate. These other aspects are the foundations for a strong relationship and are ways to show care and love for another. How do we have a godly relationship? Think of ways on how can we serve God together and how can we bring each other closer to God. Learn to forgive, just as Jesus forgave all your sins at the cross. Learn to resolve conflict in a mature way. Build trust and respect each other. Have an older christian mentor or couple whom you can ask for guidance and wisdom. Continue to battle against temptations of the flesh by reducing time spent alone privately. What’s an accountability partner? A christian friend or mentor who you trust to share your personal life with, encouraging and rebuking you from scripture for the glory of God. They could be your youth pastor/leader, bible study leader, or trusted friend. Jesus calls us to “deny ourselves”. What does that look like in dating? Control lusts and passions so that you don’t end up committing sin to your own bodies. Don’t play around with feelings of the other person if you’re not considering marrying. And since we were bought at a price, honour God with your bodies. I’ve just started dating. Now what? Christian dating is exclusive, intentional dating to see if you’re suitable for each other for the purpose of working for the Lord and serving others. Some helpful things to find out include: Do we have similar goals and ambitions? Do we have similar values? How do they behave with friends? How is their relationship with their family? There is no set biblical way of dating and there isn’t a specifically ruled out way from being attracted to each other to marriage itself. God has considered us to be free in how we make decisions, provided that we understand the value of singleness and sex only in the context of marriage. With this God leaves us with ability to use our individual personalities and characteristics to further explore human relationships, given clear boundaries - and this is the glory of true freedom. How can I work out if the person is the one? Are they willing to let God transform their hearts to be more like Christ? Do they have a healthy relationship with God, reflected in the way they approach the Word and prayer? Do your values clash such that you don’t see yourself being able to live with each other for years to come. Dating is the discernment to see if they’re ferocious for the things of the Lord, in order to enlist another for cavalry to charge the gates of hell beside you, as a Christ united team to slay the dragons, win souls and fight darkness. |