How do I meet the “one”? There is no “one”. Whoever you marry becomes the “one”. Should I use online dating sites? It is unwise to do so. These sites base someone’s worth all on surface level ideals such as looks, achievements and hobbies. Yes, they are all good things to have in the eye of the beholder and they might even say they’re Christian, but can you be sure they are living cross centred lives when they seem to boast about their body, hobbies and awesome career? Would it change if you were to consider marriage as the end goal to the potential date you’re searching for rather than a few, fun meet-ups? Online dating sites in of itself were probably created to act as an instantaneous solution to those who weren’t getting what they wanted in the dating aspect of their lives. They are motivated by fear, pleasure and freedom of choice. Profiles on online dating sites show your filtered selection of qualities you believe others desire in a partner and following this comes the danger of identifying yourself with these qualities to your virtual self and in the real world, which can steer you from your identity in Christ. What if I can’t control my lustful desires now? If you can’t get your lust in order when you single, don’t expect to be all fixed when you are in a relationship. Repent of your sins, where Jesus has dealt with all sin and guilt at the cross. Ask God for self-control and build up good habits which will be loving to your future partner when in marriage. Problems with lust, porn, sexual immorality etc. will only be magnified in a marriage. It will not just simply go away, and will also have serious implications for the other person, your marriage and your relationship with God. Why does it seem impossible to find the perfect Christian guy/girl? Flip the question around: are you perfect yourself? If not, then maybe stop looking to find them. Work on yourself to grow in Godly character, because that is the most attractive thing for others who also value God as first in their life. It seems like someone is flirting with me but how do I know if that is their intention? Everyone has different ways of expressing and perceiving love. For instance, light touching or hugging may seem very flirtatious to one person but just a normal friendly gesture to another. Being aware of this means that you won’t be lead other people on or be led on yourself.
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All my friends are in relationships. What do I do? What is the best way you can use your present circumstances to serve the Lord wholeheartedly? God looks at the heart not outward appearance. Being single gives you the time and energy to grow God’s kingdom. Nevertheless, as a couple serving others as a team and praying together can grow your faith and deepen your spiritual intimacy. Pray about how you can use the time and resources you have now for Christ. As a single or in a relationship, learn to be content in whatever circumstances God has put you in and use it to devote yourself to the gospel. However, singleness can get lonely sometimes. This may be helped, by seeking companionship with friends and family. The unmarried man is concerned about the work of the Lord, how he can please the Lord. 33 But the married man is concerned about the affairs of this world, how he can please his wife, 34 and his interests are divided. The unmarried woman or virgin is concerned about the work of the Lord, how she can be holy in both body and spirit. But the married woman is concerned about the affairs of this world, how she can please her husband. (1 Corinthians 7:32-34) I want to have a boyfriend/girlfriend now cos I want to have fun and be happy. Don’t think that you and the other person won’t be hurt physically and emotionally. Are you also thinking about your future partner and how it will affect that relationship in these ways? And also you probably won’t be having a lot of fun or being happy lmao. There is also a lot of responsibility to a relationship. And on the other side of the spectrum, if you seek contentment in a relationship, you will not find it. True contentment will only be found in Jesus, and only He can offer and deliver that to you - humans will always fall short. Well I feel like I need to start dating now because of the fear of not having anyone left for me in the future. This fear may mean you're lacking in contentment with your relationship with the Lord Jesus that you feel the need to constantly have a “special other”. Our ultimate goal as Christians is to serve our Lord & bring glory to Him, whether it be in a relationship or not. When your motivation stems from “the fear of..” you are letting the world deceive you in telling what’s best for you. Instead by using your thoughts and actions to love and serve others, you will become attractive to the right person at the right time - the one who sees your wholeheartedness in trusting the Lord. That is not to say that you do that in order to become attractive to that potential person. In serving Christ and building up your personal relationship with Him, yes, in time you may find that another Godly person will be attracted to that, but do not rely on it, and do not expect it. God never promises us marriage, rather God promises us the hope that we have in Jesus Christ, whether it be through singleness or marriage. Say that you are in fact looking for the right person with your ideal qualities and values, ask yourself where are you looking? At university, parties, social events? Or at church, mission fields and volunteering? Sure, it’s not that you can’t, but if you think of the probability of finding a wholehearted Christian guy/girl - there will be 1% chance they are found at a party vs most of those serving at church. Your choice. And also what are you looking for? To grow in Godliness in all that you do? Or for a relationship? And above all, the situation you are in right now is God’s will. Don’t let fear rob you of your joy your current stage of life. 17 Regardless, each one should lead the life that the Lord has assigned to him and to which God has called him (1 Corinthians 7:17) But won’t there be less quality Christians to choose from? True, if you’re at uni you can meet new like-minded people everyday and you’ll have the time during the semester and holidays to socialise and get to know each other through different experiences. At uni you’re able to be who you are and do the things you really value and thus you’re able you show your genuine self. But when you’re in full time work, the number of people you meet drops dramatically and the only times you can meet other people are weekends - and if you’re at church, serving, in small groups during week days, then there are isn’t much choice left. However, is it all about having more choice? Did Adam choose Eve? He took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh instead thereof; 22 And the rib, which the Lord God had taken from man, made he a woman, and brought her unto the man. (Genesis 2:21-22) What is dating? A period of time where you get to know a person of the opposite gender, with the intention of finding out if they’re suitable for a committed loving relationship where you serve together in marriage for the glory of God. Dating is a privilege and a blessing and not something you deserve or must have. Honour and love the other person with the person God has placed in your life to serve as a companion and a friend. 34 A new commandment I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so also you must love one another (John 13:34) What age should I start dating? Are you mature and responsible to commit to another person’s needs? Age is usually a reliable indicator of maturity but of course there are some adults who can’t even take care of themselves or care about the feelings of another person. Understand what your priorities are at your stage in life and whether a new relationship will grow or hinder your walk with the Lord. What qualities should I look for in a potential date? All worldly qualities will fade away with age or can be taken away anytime. If you base your worth on sense of security for the future, social pressures, feelings of love, the image of being successful, you will be never be satisfied and probably be disappointed. Only the eternal qualities like faith and love can bring full satisfaction. Before you see if others are suitable, examine your own relationship with God, the way you are living in light of the cross, your Godly character and what your motivations are for wanting to be in a relationship. A simple criteria is:
Is dating all about the end goal of getting married? Is the goal to get married in the first place? With Christ, there is an end of all worldly things and everything will be made new. As Christians, we long for the ultimate marriage of Christ and the Church where we share in the eternal glory. Which wedding are you looking forward to? But yes, in human terms, dating does have the end goal of getting married, where you spend your time seeing whether they are suitable for marriage. 2 And I John saw the holy city, new Jerusalem, coming down from God out of heaven, prepared as a bride adorned for her husband. (Revelations 21:2) |